Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hope... or Lack Thereof

Some days hope eludes me. I went to bed last night with a headache and in tears. This morning is starting the same way. In the words of Forrest Gump "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks". I've thrown all my rocks, and I'm still feeling heartbroken. Between the medical stuff and financial problems I handle it; until I add another thing to tip the scale.

Nick is graduating in June, only 6 weeks from now. While I should be celebrating, instead it just gives me more to worry about. He has Sr. Ball in 2 weeks; tickets are $150.00! Besides tickets we need to rent a tux, buy a corsage, what else? Then there's Sr. picnic, and Sober Grad Night and Sr. Sunrise and, and, and, the list goes on. I have the time, just not the money or the mindset.

Even this all falls back on THE ILLNESS. While I watch one child move forward it's hard not to see the other held back by disease. Both kids always loved school and all the social stuff that goes with it. I don't think Alex resents it as much as I do. For her it's become a way of life. Of course that just breaks my heart even more. No football games and dances, no boyfriends and parties for her. Graduation? I just don't know. We are coming to the end of her sophomore year and she should have earned 160 credits toward graduation at this point. She might have 50 by June. She plans on college someday, and I can only hope and pray. Even her choices for the future are dictated by her health. Health insurance will always be an issue. So much for telling her to let her heart lead her to a career choice, instead it's "find a career where you can get good company insurance with no clause for preexisting conditions".

BTW- still waiting to hear from the surgeon's office.

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